If Joe Biden Were a Swimming Pool

a poem

Photo by Blogging Guide on Unsplash

Listen to an audio recording of If Joe Biden Were a Swimming Pool:

If Joe Biden were a swimming pool,
there would be no deep end, 
only scummy sides and a cracked floor 
dotted with such shallow little puddles
you could barely wet your toes.

If Kamala Harris were a wedding cake,
all three tiers would be coated in white icing, 
decorated with pink roses and crowned with doves
but when you cut into her, she’d be made 
only of hollow cardboard and just for display.

If Tony Blinken were a radio station,
above constant static, you’d hear only Oldies,
short news headlines and 30-second commercials
for mouthwash, deodorant and household cleaner,
and every day he’d play the same program
over and over and over again.

If Donald Trump were a backyard barbeque,
everyone would have a riotous afternoon
of fun and games, beer, burgers and potato salad,
only to wind up that evening in the hospital
with an e-coli infection or ptomaine poisoning.

If Benjamin Netanyahu were a bar of soap,
you could work up a thick, frothy lather,
but no matter how hard and long 
you scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed, 
you could never wash the blood, 
gore and shit from your hands.

If Justin Trudeau were a first novel,
the front cover would feature a Canadian sunset
or a snow-topped  mountain range, and on the back
there’d be a few nice one-line reviews,
but the story would involve stock characters,
a weak plot, stilted dialogue, and no message.

If the United States were a mansion on the hill,
the whole building from the foundation to the roof
would be so ramshackle, decrepit and neglected 
that only rats, roaches and ghosts would live there,
and public health authorities would be forced
to condemn it for immediate demolition.

If the European Union were a supermarket,
the windows would be plastered with ads
featuring big sales and irresistible bargains, 
but inside, most of the aisles would be bare,
the produce stale and half-rotten,
shelves of tins and boxes past the expiry date
and radically reduced for quick sale.

If the United Kingdom were a country garden,
everything but a few tough, deep-rooted weeds
would have wilted, withered and gone to seed,
but instead of germinating in fertile ground,
the seeds would blow away in the wind
or dry and die in the setting sun.

If NATO were a kindergarten,
only little white kids would be admitted
and instead of fingerpainting, singing songs,
listening to fairy tales, and learning A-B-C,
they’d run around playing war games,
and shouting, “I’m the King of the Castle
and you’re the dirty asshole.”  

If Gaza were a young woman,
after long and painful labour,
she would give birth, at last, 
to many children who would grow up
strong and free.

(Please feel free to add your own verses in the comments. Can anyone think of who or what might be a rubber duck or a game show?)  

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